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Character Assassination: The State Farm Guy

In this first edition of Character Assassination, allow me to present The State Farm Guy: I don’t know what it is about him that makes me dislike him so. He’s just so… smarmy. He makes me squirm. I...

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OnStar: Deploying Windbags

The Unhappy Mediator is really disappointed by our collective priorities.   Related: Facebook Status Reveals Humanity’s Descent Down (Storm) Drain

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A Plan for Action… I hope it sticks

This is the banner on Adhesive Squares' website. I don't know what "it" is, either. This morning I received an email press release entitled INCREASE PRODUCTIVITY WITH ADHESIVE SQUARES BRAND ADHESIVES....

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Incongruous Cross-Promotional Banner Ad of the Day

Doris, could you order us some more legal pads, a box of blue Bics and a 16-pound bird? Thanks.

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NYC Protests Get Real (Sexy)

While commuters and the news channels were gearing up for Occupy’s subway takeover this afternoon (sayeth the website: “Facing the most brutal assault on our Democracy since 9-11, New Yorkers must...

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Dirty Words

Dispatches from the drugstore. There are some words that simply don’t make me feel cleaner. I’m getting phlegmmy just thinking about it. Colgate: Are you sure-a-phyll? Thanks, again, Skeener.

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Every Day is a Special Day

So in case you missed it, Earth Day was this past Sunday, April 22. I didn’t plant a tree, or turn off my lights, or make a statue out of compost. You might say, the nearest I got to observing Earth...

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Happy Melanoma Monday

What? You didn’t know it was Melanoma Monday? Well it is. It’s motherfucking Melanoma Monday. So stay inside! And please add this to the running list.

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Phone troubles? Call now!

I tried to email Verizon through the wireless website about a problem with my LG POS. I selected my topic from the drop down menu… Topic: Phones and Accessories Subtopic: Phone is Not Working [sic...

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URL It Like It Is

While I don’t particularly like being upsold on a rental car when booking a flight (or an extra-leg-room-seat, or other bullshit perks that make buying a plane ticket online take five times as long as...

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